First World Problem

Hotel rooms.

The knobs and buttons for all the various lighting fixtures in hotel rooms will forever remain a mystery to me.

Trying to switch them all off simultaneously so that I can sleep in complete darkness is always a challenge.

Me and my first world problems.

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Guess How Much I Love You

My Dearest Nadia

Happy 23rd Birthday.

“I love you right up to the moon – and back.”

Mum xo

Books

I went to the bookstore again today.

Came home with three books.

My purpose there was not just to purchase books.

I also went to have a coffee today.

Drank a lovely little cup of coffee.

My purpose there was not just to drink coffee.

I went and did a bunch of things today.

Accomplished several tasks and errands.

But my purpose was not to complete tasks and run errands.

Source of all misery and also the source of peace…

When we focus our thoughts on the past, we have two choices.
We can be grateful for what happened.
Or we can be filled with resentment, and wonder “Why me?”

When we focus our thoughts on the future, we also have two choices.
We can be filled with wonder and curiosity.
Excited to see what the future holds.
Or we can be filled with anxiety, worrying about what could go wrong.
And again, wonder, “Why me?”

When we focus our thoughts on the now, we live in the moment.
It is what it is, and we are here, in the now, and nowhere else.
To be entirely present, we look at ourselves in peace.
We stop comparing ourselves, stop feeling that we are not enough.
We have gratitude and appreciation.
Because we cannot change the past, and we cannot control the future.

Our perception is the source of all misery, and the source of peace.

Easier said than done.
Practice, practice, practice.

I failed…

I failed to see your pain.
I was too busy with my own.

I failed to feel your struggle.
I was too busy with my own.

I failed to see things through your eyes.
I was too busy with my own.

I failed to understand you.
I was too busy trying to understand myself.

The Beauty of Pain

Our natural instinct is to avoid pain.
When we feel pain, we find ways to distract ourselves.
We suppress the feeling by scrolling through our phones, checking our messages and looking at other people's pains.

Then the pain just grows.
It builds up, it spreads like moss.
Till nothing is beautiful anymore, and our lives are but a puzzle of anxieties, dreads and unrequited love.

When people exercise they advocate "feel the pain and do it anyway".
The same goes in life.

We need to surrender.
Let it wash over us.
Feel every molecule of pain writhe through our bodies and squeeze your heart dry.

Only then will the pain begin to fade.
And you let other feelings in.
At first it is all bit numb. Then you start to feel your toes again.
And then you wriggle your feet.
And you get up.
And you start all over again.

Speak Lotuses, Not Mud

When you open your mouth, what comes out?
Mud? Filth? Negativity?
Useless comments?
Meaningless uttering?

Or lotuses?
Beautiful flowers that rise from the mud?
Generous praises and kind words?
Appreciation and thankfulness?

This stoic reminder is so simple, but so hard to do.
I like to imagine what spills from my mouth so that I do not speak words in hate, anger or frustration.
It is a daily practice that I do not often succeed at.

Where did my Sleep go?

The one night you try to sleep early.
The night before you have to get up early.
You even did some sleepy time yoga.
You made sure you did not have any caffeine after 12 noon.
You had a bath.
You read.
You kept the TV off.

But.
You're in a strange bed.
In a hotel.
Even with your blankie there, it happens.

Your Sleep disappeared.
It just vanished.
One minute it was right there, within reach.
The next moment, gone.

And here you are, drawing, writing, reading some more.
Hoping Sleep would somehow come crawling back.
And soon, not at 3am…

Harvest Moon

My love.

I’d like to add one thing to our list.

Let’s slow dance to this Neil Young song.
“Harvest Moon”

Come a little bit closer

Hear what I have to say

Just like children sleeping

We could dream this night away

But there’s a full moon rising

Let’s go dancing in the light

We know where the music’s playing

Let’s go out and feel the night 

Because I’m still in love with you

On this harvest moon

When we were strangers

I watched you from afar

When we were lovers

I loved you with all my heart

But now it’s getting late

And the moon is climbing high

I want to celebrate

See it shining in your eye

Because I’m still in love with you

On this harvest moon